Canada Uncovers the Secrets of the Universe

Chalk one up for investigative journalism north of the border.  In a recent study, some dude from The Star found out how homeless beggars like to spend their money.  The results were shocking.

A reporter for the Canadian newspaper The Star handed out five pre-paid credit cards to panhandlers, asked the panhandlers to return the card when finished, and tracked their purchases. Of the five cards, two were returned, one was stolen and used by the panhandler’s boyfriend, and three were never returned (one remained unused).  Purchases included food (McDonald’s was a favorite), cigarettes, cell phone time and LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario) purchases.

–Freakonomics

Psyche! They weren’t surprising at all. McDonald’s and cigarettes: the breakfast of champions. Gotta build up a nice foundation before surviving on liquor for a few days.  Now if we can only figure out what Canadian economists spend their money on…oh, riiiight, worthless studies that teach us nothing.  Are there no editors over there at that Star? Seems like this is the kind of story that results in a “yyyyyyea, we’re going to print the one about Nutty the Squirrel instead.”

Hobo Throws Down the Plastic at NY Deli

Some woman went crazy last week and decided it would be a good idea to give a homeless dude her platinum AmEx.  Hey, he just wanted some VitaminWater and cigarettes.

“He asked me if I had any money,” she told The Post yesterday. “He said he just wanted to get a Vitaminwater. I said, ‘I don’t [have cash] — I only have my credit card.'” Maybe it was the booze, maybe Harris has a soft spot for the underprivileged — but the next thing she knew, she was handing the stranger her high-powered plastic.

“He said, ‘Would it be OK if I borrow it?’

“I said, ‘Sure.’

“He said, ‘Is it OK if I get a pack of cigarettes, too?’

“I said, ‘Sure.’ “

“Ten minutes passed,” she said. “I thought maybe, ‘OK, he did leave with it.’

“We went downstairs [to the basement-level eatery] and someone came down and said, ‘He’s back!’ “

She went back outside to find her judgment was on the money as the bum returned — charge card in hand.

–NY Post

Ok, ok, so the guy came back.  That’s great.  If you believe that! Personally, this story smells like a pile of homeless bullshit to me.  Here’s why:

1. what kind of shopkeep lets a homeless guy waltz into the store and then charge a pack of cigarettes on a platinum AmEx? “Well, he looks like a ‘Merrie.’  Nothing suspicious here.”  Not to mention that American Express is a higher-end card.  I mean I see homeless dudes rocking Discover all the time, but PLATINUM AmEx?

2. In fact, these delis don’t even take AmEx.

3. Why in the hell wouldn’t this woman go in and buy the guy a freaking Vitamin Water herself versus handing over the plastic? Because it’s the company card, that’s why.  Ms. High-Powered Exec doesn’t give a homeless rat’s ass.  Word to the controller at JWT – keep an eye out for Vitamin Water and cigarettes on those expense reports.

NY Post via nyc.barstoolsports.com