WTF: Guy Arrested for Watching People Do Shit in Public

So the gub’ment can plant a GPS tracking device on your car when it’s parked in your driveway, but apparently it’s illegal to watch people in public doing what they’re doing in public.

A 58-year-old man was arrested Saturday after police said he used binoculars to watch two teenage girls at a car wash fundraiser in Pelham. Police said they found Richard Mello seated in his vehicle in an empty parking lot near the Congregational Church on Main Street with a direct line of sight to two young girls who were working at a car wash fundraising event. Mello told officers that he had been watching the girls — later determined to be 13 and 15 years old — through his binoculars while sitting in his car, according to police news release. Mello was arrested for loitering and causing public alarm with his suspicious behavior, according to the news release.

WMUR New Hampshire via NYC Barstool

I would love to hear that the police found this guy doing something weird in his car like rubbing ice cream on his feet while listening to Hannah Montana records or something.  That would sure make this case a lot easier.  Without a detail like that, though, all I can do is become the least popular guy in New York when I say that what’s going to happen to this guy in the coming months is completely unfair.  And before you flip your lid on me, let me clarify that I’m not defending sexual deviants.  I’m just saying I’m not ready to call this guy one, even though I’m 95% sure that’s what will happen. Yea, it’s a little creepy, but he really hasn’t broken any law or violated anybody’s privacy.

Remember that just the other day an appeals(!) court decided that it was OK for an arm of the federal government to plant a GPS on YOUR car while it’s parked in YOUR driveway and use it to track everywhere you go, because there is no “expectation of privacy.”  Now, the NHPD is saying that it’s illegal for you to look at people in public.  Well what expectation of privacy is there when you’re washing cars at the local Shell station, freaking having bubble-fights and spraying each other with your hoses and whatnot? Puh-lease. These girls may be 15 but they know exactly what they’re doing, so before you take this sucker’s job and family away from him, consider this: there’s a reason the cheerleaders are washing cars to raise money and the football team is in the parking lot selling freaking M&Ms.

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No Argument Here: Rules to Live By

Look I’m not gonna fight you, buddy.  These are pretty solid.  Well maybe just number 7 (sometimes a firm handshake does the job).  Love that there’s an amendment to rule 6 to include the single greatest party-game of all.  Hey you guys wanna pl– *walks in on roommate*. Oh, shit! Well, you know the rules.  Don’t make me tap the sign.

obviouswinner.com

Almost Genius: A Thing That’s Two Things

If there’s one thing I love, it’s multitasking.  And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s flushing stuff.  This Eco-Urinal concept is designed to appeal to both of those sensibilities.

To save water, Eco Urinal is designed to use the water that was used for washing hands to flush the urine. By this process, we don’t have to use water twice after using the urinal.
Moreover, it reduces the establishment expenses by optimizing the materials. Upper space of this urinal is made with glass, and it helps to secure a clear view for users. It also promotes people to keep their sanitation because people need to wash their hands to flush the urine after use.

Designer Yeong Woo Kim

Well he’s no Billy Mays, but Engrish aside, it’s nice idea.  Problem is I just don’t care all that much about washing my hands after using a urinal.  I mean maybe I’ll be more inclined to do it since it’s right there but if you really want to give it a double-use how about slapping a beer tap on there? As far as dual-purpose furniture it’s just  not nearly as useful as, say, a coffee table/foot rest or a toaster/mousetrap.  Show me what you can do in the desk chair/toilet/bidet department and maybe we’ll talk.

Speaking of bidets, is that the best we’re doing?  Maybe Kim can take a crack at a cure for the common wipe.  I expect a prototype by 2032 at the latest.

yeongwookim.com via Geekologie

Jennifer Aniston Gets it

Marisa Tomei was nominated for an Oscar when she got topless and looked damn good in The Wrestler at age 44.  Whether or not Jennifer Aniston noticed this is up for debate.  One thing that is not, however, is that her last few box office outings have been less than impressive, despite The Bounty Hunter appearing in a heavy rotation that seems to indicate it struck a chord with someone at United Airlines.

Her most recent film The Switch, in which she played a single woman who uses a sperm donor to have a child, bombed at the box office, taking $8.4million in the U.S. box office on its opening weekend.

In a significant departure from her syrupy, goody-goody rom-com roles, the 41-year-old star is to take on her most risqué role and appear topless. Her character also indulges in threesome with two other women, sleeps around with numerous men and takes drugs. The prospect of Aniston appearing topless will generate huge publicity for the film and the actress.

-Paul Thompson, Daily Mail

Well, somebody get this Paul Thompson his Nobel Peace Prize for economics, stat.  Guy’s unlocked the secrets of the freaking universe.  Come to think of it, the prospect of Jennifer Aniston’s nipples in a guest starring role has been the only reason to watch Friends for at least a decade.  Last year’s GQ story titled, “Oh Lordy, this Woman is 40” made it pretty clear that Jen is looking better than the average quadragenarian.  HAVING SAID THAT, she’s not getting any younger, so the time for this movie to happen is right freakin’ now.  You alert the academy, I’ll get the nachos.

WANNABE GENIUS has moved to the HYPERVOCAL Network.

Follow WG on Twitter @wannabe_genius

Let the Good Times Roll

For a while now, we’ve been hearing that 1 or 2 glasses of red wine can be a benefit to your health.  Now a study published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research says that even heavy drinking can result in a longer than average lifespan compared to going at it dry.  That explains why homeless guys can live off alcohol alone.

[W]hy would abstaining from alcohol lead to a shorter life? It’s true that those who abstain from alcohol tend to be from lower socioeconomic classes, since drinking can be expensive. And people of lower socioeconomic status have more life stressors – job and child-care worries that might not only keep them from the bottle but also cause stress-related illnesses over long periods. (They also don’t get the stress-reducing benefits of a drink or two after work.)

But even after controlling for nearly all imaginable variables – socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, number of close friends, quality of social support and so on – the researchers (a six-member team led by psychologist Charles Holahan of the University of Texas at Austin) found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who had never been drinkers, second-highest for heavy drinkers and lowest for moderate drinkers.

Yahoo! News

See folks, this is why you can’t be afraid to try shit.  There’s such a barrage of chemicals, bacteria, and wireless signals hitting you everyday that you’re literally killing yourself if you don’t stay in shape by regularly inflicting them on your body.  This why I’m spearheading research to show that 1-3 cheeseburgers a day improves heart health.  It’s a muscle, people.  And like any other muscle, it needs to be vigorously strained until it’s sore, twitching irregularly, and teetering on the brink of collapse in order to get stronger.  Feel the burn in your left arm?  That’s the feeling of vitality.

Dios Mio, Mang: Christina Hendricks at the Emmys

Yea she’s fun to look at now, but the meticulously arranged package, shown here at Emmys last night, is mere years away from being an ABSOLUTE TRAINWRECK.  I imagine it takes a Gulliver’s Travels-style army of midgets to tie on the corset that gives her this astonishing silhouette, and don’t get me wrong, it IS astonishing, but it’s just not sustainable.  Chickipedia has her at 5″8′ 40-32-40 and aged 35 years.  So this is it.  Drink it in now, because this wine will be vinegar before you know it.  We’re on the brink of a nuclear meltdown here and the only guy close enough to the situation to do anything about it is the Snozzberry kid from Super Troopers.  Color me concerned.

The Superficial has a bunch of pics if you want to see more.

Mad Men beat out new fan-favorite Breaking Bad last night, to take home its 3rd Emmy for Outstanding Drama.

Good News, Everyone! Awful Announcing Returns to the Blogosphere

Awful Announcing, once the most highly-regarded source of meta-commentary in the sports world, has been picked up by new management and relaunched with a writing team that includes your favorite wannabe columnist, ME, along with a great group of guys who know a lot more about the subject.  Nothing will change over here, but if you’re a fan of WG, take the following quiz to find out if AA is up your alley:

  1. Are you a sports fan?
  2. Can tell if whether or not Tim McCarver has taken his meds?
  3. Does the phrase “Throw it down, Big Man” mean anything to you?
  4. Do you find yourself wondering if anyone has ever worked in TV before?

If you answered “Yes!” in Marv Albert’s voice to any of the above questions, you’ll want to be reading, so head over to awfulannouncing.com, add the feed, crack a beer and enjoy!