Be Well: The Last Murder in LA Took Place Last Saturday

That is, according to 1993 masterpiece Demolition Man.  In the movie, society is drastically reconstructed for complete interpersonal peace and commercial benevolence within a period of 1 generation.   Anything that’s not good for you is illegal, although somehow Otho from Beetlejuice still manages to fill out that kimono with his impressive  figure.  In a stunning reversal, black people suddenly want to be white, as evidenced by Wesley Snipes dressing like McCauley Caulkin. The tax code is probably all the more objectionable in 2032, though, which explains why he’s still in jail.  Did I mention this movie is a masterpiece?

So we’re a little behind schedule, but there are some aspects of the 2032-San-Angeles model that we definitely seem to be following through with in real life.  Like the legislative crusade on all things unhealthy, for example, along with video chat, commercial jingles taking up as much real estate in the public lexicon as pop tunes, and Rob Schneider becoming increasingly exasperating.  I swear I think about this movie whenever I hear people sing along to the song.  That is to say I think about knocking them out with a glow-rod to the dome piece.  HEY, police relying heavily on the use of TASERs is another one, so there you go.

Now if I can just figure out the damn 3-seashells.

If you happen to like movies about the future, but are broke and living in the goddamn past, I’ve got good news for you – you can actually order Demolition Man and Jean-Claude Van Damme classic TimeCop, together on LaserDisc from Amazon.


Mega Kombat

Not much needs to be said here, it’s another Mega-Mashup and it’s lookin pretty, pretty, pretty good.  These pixelated pugilists were assembled in bead form by Flickr user ShampooTeacher, and are the 10 karakters from the original Mortal Kombat with their updated looks from MK2.  Although if you’re wondering why Shang didn’t get the updated treatment, you must be minutiae-obsessed and/or me.  Keen eye, sir; but I presume it’s because his reverse-aging from the first game to the second was actually part of the story while the other guys just got more details as a result of a bigger budget.

Anyway, aside from Sonya lookin’ a little buff for my taste, these are really well done.

MK fans can follow Ed Boon on Twitter @noobde.  As far as I know, Dr. Light’s not on it.

ShampooTeacher via Kotaku

You Can’t Force Genius: Happy Accidents Gave us Great Inventions

As part of their ongoing “Celebration of Invention,” Gizmodo put together a nice top 10 list of accidental inventions, which ranges from everyday consumer products like Sweet ‘N Low and Super Glue to medical breakthroughs like the Pacemaker and x-ray machines.

Before being found ground into the rugs of child-rearing homes everywhere, Play-Doh was ironically created to be a cleaning product. The paste was first marketed as a treatment for filthy wallpaper—before the company that produced it began to go down the tubes. The discovery that saved Kutol Products—headed for bankruptcy—wasn’t that their wall cleaner worked particularly well, but that schoolchildren were beginning to use it to create Christmas ornaments as arts and crafts projects. By removing the compound’s cleanser and adding colors and a fresh scent, Kutol spun their wallpaper saver into one of the most iconic toys of all time—and brought mega-success to a company headed for destruction. Sometimes, you don’t even know how brilliant you are until someone notices for you.


Ok, but the real genius here is the guy who came up with the scent…or, more accurately, flavor. I mean it’s no secret, this stuff is delicious (look me in the eye and tell me you haven’t tasted it).  I’m getting pretty tired of Ramen noodles; chances are I’m gonna be cookin’ up some Play-Doh pizzas in my Bufalino real soon.  As a wannabe inventor myself, I’m still hoping to come up with some accidental gold mine soon.

Whoops! The 10 Greatest Accidental Inventions of All Time

Rory McIlroy Shoots Record Round in Day 1 of British Open

Rory McIlroy, whose name I will never get right due to my affinity for the movie Tin Cup, has made history today, shooting a 63 (-9) in his first round at St. Andrews.  Second place is owned by Louis Oosthuizen (-7), and 5 players are tied for third (-6) including John Daly, who led the day at one point.  Tiger and 8 other schmoes are tied at -5.  Phil Mickelson shat the bed and shot +1.

Here’s a link to CBS’s live coverage for all you guys who have jobs, but not jobs that are serious enough where you have to do actual work instead of watch golf.  It’ll be in the sidebar for you all week.

Alright enough serious golf talk, let’s get back to the important subject – fake movie golf that is fake. Trivia questions for the comments: 1. What was the first tournament that Happy Gilmore played in? 2. What did Roy McAvoy shoot on the 18th and final hole of the U.S. Open, and 3. what was his overall score for the final round?  The prize for a correct answer is a carefully crafted, handsome gentleman’s chest.

P.S. If you don’t know what the above picture has to do with golf get the hell off my blog.