ESPN Producer Caught Publicly Touching/Resembling His Weiner

So my first reaction when I saw this story about ESPN Producer Neil Goldberg was to think back on similar peeping Toms and public masturbators that have been caught doing their thing in the past few months. Like this guy who wasn’t doing anything but was clearly suspicious, or this guy who was actually rubbing his junk on some poor girl on the N-train.  Whenever I see stories like this I can’t help but think about how much high-quality porn is so readily available on the Interent.  And it blows my mind that these guys, many of whom would go to the lengths that they do, with all the associated risk of getting caught, being embarrassed, arrested, losing your family and job, and basically having your life ruined in every imaginable way.  So how is it possible that so many men who are otherwise leading normal, healthy lives choose to stare this risk in the face and then attempt to cover it with their J-O-nnaise? There’s no way they are unaware or unwilling to tap into the plethora of debauchery that is but a Google away.  Is there?

The only conceivable answer is one that just may scare me right off the web for years to come: Is it possible that these poor bastards have “used up” their appetite for Internet porn?  I mean how many times can you really watch a girl in an ASU cheerleading uniform get demoralized by two men? Quite a few it seems, but there has to be a limit.  I’ll report back when I hit it.

I certainly hope this isn’t the case, though, because the Internet and its barrage of flesh-at-your-fingertips are still a fairly new part of human life.  Imagine all the guys out there that have been watching that shit since age 11!  There’s no telling what level of craziness they’ve worked up to now.  Sooner or later, the bubble’s going to pop and there will be a GLOBAL PANDEMIC of desperate lunatics running around out there perching on the windowsills of innocent showerers and snaking cameras through the peepholes at their favorite announcers’ hotel rooms; a veritable zombie-invasion of guys that just can’t get off by watching porn anymore and are forced to wander the Earth looking for open windows to climb into so they can eat your underwear.

Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, etc.

Gears of War 3 Delayed until Fall 2011

Originally slated for an April release, Microsoft announced last Friday that it planned to push Gears of War 3 to Fall of 2011.  Well, that just sucks.  Although I’m not trying to wait 10 years for a game like this, one does have to keep in mind that the “It’ll be ready when it’s ready” philosophy of say, Blizzard, certainly results in quality products.  Lead Gears Designer Cliffy B reminded us all via Twitter what happens if you take the bun out of the oven before it’s fully cooked.

That’s good advice, and Peter Moore of EA Sports definitely smells what you’re cooking.  Hopefully they just need 5 extra months to figure out an absurdly elaborate death for Clayton Carmine.

Except Microsoft basically said the delay has nothing to do with the game’s development, and everything to do with their sales strategy.

“Gears of War 3 promises to be the biggest entertainment launch of 2011,” the Microsoft statement reads. “The teams at Microsoft Game Studios and Epic Games have done great work thus far readying the title for release in the Spring of 2011. However, we’ve elected to move the launch of Gears of War 3 until Fall 2011 to make it the marquee title for the holiday season.”

If it is indeed purely about marketing, there are a couple of things that could be at play here. Epic’s other big game, Bulletstorm, is set to knock us off our feet on Feb. 22, 2011. Maybe they wanted to give that a bit more breathing room.

Kotaku

Definitely possible, especially when you consider what was in the next tweet after Cliff broke the news and promised a “silver lining”: Bulletstorm’s box art.

Follow Cliff Bleszinski, Design Director at Epic Games, on Twitter @therealcliffyb.

Google CEO Eric Schmidt: Your Crazy Ass Might Want to Think About a New Identity

Earlier this week Eric Schmidt sat down with the the Wall Street Journal and offered some interesting insights about the future of the web and mobile devices.  He also subtly pointed out that there are inherent social dangers within businesses like his own.

“I don’t believe society understands what happens when everything is available, knowable and recorded by everyone all the time,” he says.

Let’s admit it: most people are idiots, and if there’s one thing idiots love it’s talking about themselves.  That and Farmville.  So everybody puts all this information out there just because they get a hardon from the idea that someone might care enough to actually read it.  Thanks for the update @SweetieBabe, I’m real glad you made it all the way to the grocery store!  Remember to pick up some Ammodium for that other problem you mentioned in your Facebook status.

So what happens when you need a job, but all the interviewer has to do is google your name to come up with 1000 pictures of you passed out covered in your own puke and trying all the GENIUS stuff you see on TV?

He predicts, apparently seriously, that every young person one day will be entitled automatically to change his or her name on reaching adulthood in order to disown youthful hijinks stored on their friends’ social media sites.

Hm.  Not bad.  Or we could just go back to the good old days when the Internet was the Wild West, and you didn’t have to worry that having a good time was going to make you a pariah at the ol’ water cooler…once you managed to stumble into the office.

WSJ