How Many Jersey Shore Costumes Will You See This Halloween?

I have to say these Jersey monkeys are sure doing a good job of pushing that feeling of wannabe-relevance as far as they can.  Pauly D is making good money as a wannabe DJ.  Good for him.  JWoww’s negotiating a deal to appear in Playboy.  Good for us.  Banging Snickers was the best move Vinny could have ever made, as her favorable commentary has led to Playgirl offering $30,000 to make a mold of his manhood for mass production.  The Situation is actually the brightest star on Dancing with the Vaguely Recognizable (when did that show become The Surreal Life and precisely when did being a single teen mom make you a “star”?).  But here’s the kicker for my money: he and Snookie both have packaged halloween costumes available for purchase.  I’m impressed by that…because, sadly, I can imagine a lot of people actually buying them.

If there’s one thing I take great pride in doing myself it’s Halloween costumes.  I’m of the DIY mind whenever possible, and it’s very satisfying to show up to a party with a couple buddies in a group costume that you glue-gunned and bedazzled at home by yourself and then get a ton of laughs.  And this just the kind of costume that’s amazing if you threw it together yourself, but downright lame to buy in a store.  Think all the Jokers you saw last year.  Yea there were too many, but the fact that they were all homemade made it awesome.  Nobody went out to purchase a Bat-suit, they went clothes shopping at a thrift store, bought some green hairspray and boom. Three or four Jokers for you to choose from.  In fact, once the Situation’s ab pads and Snookie’s trashy-Elaine Benes hair even exists in a store, that should be the signal that the joke’s over.

When you’re at the costume store last minute, I know it can be tempting.  I’ve been there before, but you MUSTN’T DO IT.  There’s just way too big a chance you arrive someplace only to find a dozen other last-minute assholes fist pumping their way through the night in what you all thought would be a clever getup.  Ladies in particular should harbor great fear for finding out that someone’s wearing the same outfit as you.  So, while I have to respect the merchandising efforts from their side, I beg you: if you can’t think of something great, take the high road and go with something more generic/less topical please.  The last thing we need is a bunch of chicks dressed like hot garbage instead of the standard fare.  Go with what you know.  The rest of us will thank you.

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