ESPN Producer Caught Publicly Touching/Resembling His Weiner

So my first reaction when I saw this story about ESPN Producer Neil Goldberg was to think back on similar peeping Toms and public masturbators that have been caught doing their thing in the past few months. Like this guy who wasn’t doing anything but was clearly suspicious, or this guy who was actually rubbing his junk on some poor girl on the N-train.  Whenever I see stories like this I can’t help but think about how much high-quality porn is so readily available on the Interent.  And it blows my mind that these guys, many of whom would go to the lengths that they do, with all the associated risk of getting caught, being embarrassed, arrested, losing your family and job, and basically having your life ruined in every imaginable way.  So how is it possible that so many men who are otherwise leading normal, healthy lives choose to stare this risk in the face and then attempt to cover it with their J-O-nnaise? There’s no way they are unaware or unwilling to tap into the plethora of debauchery that is but a Google away.  Is there?

The only conceivable answer is one that just may scare me right off the web for years to come: Is it possible that these poor bastards have “used up” their appetite for Internet porn?  I mean how many times can you really watch a girl in an ASU cheerleading uniform get demoralized by two men? Quite a few it seems, but there has to be a limit.  I’ll report back when I hit it.

I certainly hope this isn’t the case, though, because the Internet and its barrage of flesh-at-your-fingertips are still a fairly new part of human life.  Imagine all the guys out there that have been watching that shit since age 11!  There’s no telling what level of craziness they’ve worked up to now.  Sooner or later, the bubble’s going to pop and there will be a GLOBAL PANDEMIC of desperate lunatics running around out there perching on the windowsills of innocent showerers and snaking cameras through the peepholes at their favorite announcers’ hotel rooms; a veritable zombie-invasion of guys that just can’t get off by watching porn anymore and are forced to wander the Earth looking for open windows to climb into so they can eat your underwear.

Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, etc.


Time Warner, DO NOT Screw Me on This

Time Warner and Disney still have not closed their distribution deal, although they are said to be close.

The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Cable failed to meet a midnight deadline, but ABC, ESPN and The Disney Channel will remain available to Triad cable customers as the talks continue.

Disney agreed to keep its programing available through TWC as the two sides continue to negotiate how much TWC will pay for the rights to Disney’s family of television networks. Without the waiver from Disney, Time Warner Cable would have been forced stop showing ESPN and Disney’s other networks on the day the college football season kicks off.

The Business Journal

I am not in a position to start negotiating with Verizon and getting new installations in here.  I don’t even think I have a choice here – the building is wired up for TWC.  This is scary stuff, and on the first day of college football, no less.  I literally have 6 friends flying into town for the long weekend to do some fantasy drafting and watch some pigskin.  There is only so much shitty service I can handle.  I’ve been stomaching this crappy skipping, hitching signal, audio drops, and the slap in the face that was “free Showtime” (seriously I never realized how bad Showtime was until it was the only movie channel I had.  The only thing I ever recognized by name on there was Twilight).  There will be blood in the streets if ESPN is ripped from my programming. Football fans have waited out the dreaded red wave of sports for this moment. DO. NOT. FUCK WITH US.

Remember This? Michael Jordan Playing Baseball?

ESPN’s 30 for 30, the documentary series that neither runs for 30 days nor features films that are 30 minutes long (I’m baffled trying to make sense of the name) will be featuring a piece on the great Michael Jordan tonight at 8:00.  But not the same stuff you’ve seen a thousand times on the Jordan IMAX DVD (but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch that every couple of days).   Tonight’s hour long feature is about the months Jordan spent contributing a formidable breeze to the Windy City by batting a paltry .202.  Being one of the greatest athletes in the world, however, he did manage to end the season as one of only 6 players with at least 50 RBIs and 30 steals.

Think about how much fuckin HOOPLA there was over The Decision. And now imagine if instead of announcing the Heat or the Cavs Lebron James said he was gonna go play for the Akron f’n Aeros. Or if Kobe just walked away from this potential Lakers dynasty to play for the Dodgers minor league affiliate in Albuquerque. I feel like guys like Stephen A Smith would explode.


Personally, I’m hoping we get some details on the theory that the whole retirement thing was a double-secret probation from the NBA for gambling.  I love a good conspiracy theory.  I’ve only heard of this one recently though, and I have to say there doesn’t seem to be a lot of evidence.  Nor do I really even care – even if he was gambling on basketball, there’s NO WAY IN HELL you can tell me Michael Jordan ever bet against himself or the Bulls.  Remember when he dropped 40 with the freaking flu? Guy played like an absolute animal 24/7, whether he was black or green, pickup or game 7, hardwood, links, or card table.  And he’s got the records to show for it.  For now, at least.