Be Well: The Last Murder in LA Took Place Last Saturday

That is, according to 1993 masterpiece Demolition Man.  In the movie, society is drastically reconstructed for complete interpersonal peace and commercial benevolence within a period of 1 generation.   Anything that’s not good for you is illegal, although somehow Otho from Beetlejuice still manages to fill out that kimono with his impressive  figure.  In a stunning reversal, black people suddenly want to be white, as evidenced by Wesley Snipes dressing like McCauley Caulkin. The tax code is probably all the more objectionable in 2032, though, which explains why he’s still in jail.  Did I mention this movie is a masterpiece?

So we’re a little behind schedule, but there are some aspects of the 2032-San-Angeles model that we definitely seem to be following through with in real life.  Like the legislative crusade on all things unhealthy, for example, along with video chat, commercial jingles taking up as much real estate in the public lexicon as pop tunes, and Rob Schneider becoming increasingly exasperating.  I swear I think about this movie whenever I hear people sing along to the freecreditreport.com song.  That is to say I think about knocking them out with a glow-rod to the dome piece.  HEY, police relying heavily on the use of TASERs is another one, so there you go.

Now if I can just figure out the damn 3-seashells.

If you happen to like movies about the future, but are broke and living in the goddamn past, I’ve got good news for you – you can actually order Demolition Man and Jean-Claude Van Damme classic TimeCop, together on LaserDisc from Amazon.

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