Let the Good Times Roll

For a while now, we’ve been hearing that 1 or 2 glasses of red wine can be a benefit to your health.  Now a study published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research says that even heavy drinking can result in a longer than average lifespan compared to going at it dry.  That explains why homeless guys can live off alcohol alone.

[W]hy would abstaining from alcohol lead to a shorter life? It’s true that those who abstain from alcohol tend to be from lower socioeconomic classes, since drinking can be expensive. And people of lower socioeconomic status have more life stressors – job and child-care worries that might not only keep them from the bottle but also cause stress-related illnesses over long periods. (They also don’t get the stress-reducing benefits of a drink or two after work.)

But even after controlling for nearly all imaginable variables – socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, number of close friends, quality of social support and so on – the researchers (a six-member team led by psychologist Charles Holahan of the University of Texas at Austin) found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who had never been drinkers, second-highest for heavy drinkers and lowest for moderate drinkers.

Yahoo! News

See folks, this is why you can’t be afraid to try shit.  There’s such a barrage of chemicals, bacteria, and wireless signals hitting you everyday that you’re literally killing yourself if you don’t stay in shape by regularly inflicting them on your body.  This why I’m spearheading research to show that 1-3 cheeseburgers a day improves heart health.  It’s a muscle, people.  And like any other muscle, it needs to be vigorously strained until it’s sore, twitching irregularly, and teetering on the brink of collapse in order to get stronger.  Feel the burn in your left arm?  That’s the feeling of vitality.

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