today i was reacquainted with one of the most puzzling and uncomfortable marvels of the human body, relief of which has thus far proven a fruitless effort by modern science. the rare gastrointestinal dichotomy of the hungry deuce…youre feeling the effects of not eating breakfast 5 hours ago, but you also know a formidable encounter with the porcelain throne is one the way, so youre caught in this strange state of trying to keep part of your body relaxed, while keeping other *ahem* closely related parts clenched in defensive position…finally you are out of class…but what to do first? i suppose the obvious answer is to clean the pipes, you cant very well enjoy your meal otherwise, but while it is the only option, its no walk in the park…the inherent problem is theres nothing in the stomach, moving the natural flow along…you’re working with nothing but voluntary intestinal peristalsis here folks, and that isnt the more luxurious manner of business most of us have become accustom to…the result is often an sloppy, laborous, and drawn-out debachle that is wholly unsatisfying…good thing you’ve got an order of chili cheese nachos and a buffalo chicken sandwhich to help things move along smoother next time.

-le coach


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