ESPN Producer Caught Publicly Touching/Resembling His Weiner

So my first reaction when I saw this story about ESPN Producer Neil Goldberg was to think back on similar peeping Toms and public masturbators that have been caught doing their thing in the past few months. Like this guy who wasn’t doing anything but was clearly suspicious, or this guy who was actually rubbing his junk on some poor girl on the N-train.  Whenever I see stories like this I can’t help but think about how much high-quality porn is so readily available on the Interent.  And it blows my mind that these guys, many of whom would go to the lengths that they do, with all the associated risk of getting caught, being embarrassed, arrested, losing your family and job, and basically having your life ruined in every imaginable way.  So how is it possible that so many men who are otherwise leading normal, healthy lives choose to stare this risk in the face and then attempt to cover it with their J-O-nnaise? There’s no way they are unaware or unwilling to tap into the plethora of debauchery that is but a Google away.  Is there?

The only conceivable answer is one that just may scare me right off the web for years to come: Is it possible that these poor bastards have “used up” their appetite for Internet porn?  I mean how many times can you really watch a girl in an ASU cheerleading uniform get demoralized by two men? Quite a few it seems, but there has to be a limit.  I’ll report back when I hit it.

I certainly hope this isn’t the case, though, because the Internet and its barrage of flesh-at-your-fingertips are still a fairly new part of human life.  Imagine all the guys out there that have been watching that shit since age 11!  There’s no telling what level of craziness they’ve worked up to now.  Sooner or later, the bubble’s going to pop and there will be a GLOBAL PANDEMIC of desperate lunatics running around out there perching on the windowsills of innocent showerers and snaking cameras through the peepholes at their favorite announcers’ hotel rooms; a veritable zombie-invasion of guys that just can’t get off by watching porn anymore and are forced to wander the Earth looking for open windows to climb into so they can eat your underwear.

Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, etc.

Warren Sapp and Michael Irvin Remind You Who’s STILL the Best LB in the League

Can you blame them?  Mike also shows us a face formerly known only to Dallas nightclub bathroom attendants circa 1995.

To the delight of ‘Canes alumni everywhere, Ray Lewis came through with the game-clinching pick in yesterday’s 17-14 win over the Steelers.  Maybe someone should tell him he’s 35.  Naaah.

Thanks to Tiz – whose blood is orange on one side and green on the other side – for the tip.

Airball: EA Sports Decides to Spin-off NBA Jam After NBA Elite Demo Makes Gamers Physically Ill

So Peter Moore must read WG (not surprising).  It seems EA Sports has miraculously realized the idiocy of their plan to release NBA Jam, the game you are currently imagining being HELLA FUN as a one-time download with a fresh purchase of NBA Elite ’11, the “new” iteration of the basketball-simulation  schlock that’s been the cause of countless controller smashings over the last decade.  In case you missed it, you can read all about me bashing that “strategy” last month right here.  Anyway, It seems the Elite demo was so buggy and universally criticized [YOUTUBE] that EA head Peter Moore announced that the game would be indefinitely delayed.  Since NBA Jam is basically good-to-go (it has been around for 20 years), it will be released separately.

“Unfortunately, NBA Elite 11 is not yet ready and we have made a decision to delay next month’s launch,” Moore said, without specifying a new release date. “The decision to delay NBA ELITE was hard because the game has great promise. But ultimately we feel this is the right thing to do. We’ve been making steady progress on basketball for the past few years and it’s going to take extra time to make the game.”

NBA Jam, the arcade-style two-on-two game also due on Oct. 5, will still ship on that date for the Wii. The PS3 and Xbox 360 version was to have been included with a free download code in NBA Elite 11. Moore said that game will now be a standalone product that will arrive “in time for the holidays.” He did not indicate a price point or if this will be a physical retail release or digital download.

–Kotaku

Let me humbly point out that the important thing in all of this isn’t that I said that bundling the two games together was a crappy ploy, doomed to fail because it hinges on the assumption that people will actually willfully spend $60 on the crap that NBA Elite ’11 would surely be.  And it’s not that I predicted that NBA Jam would be spun off and available as an XBLA/PSN download within 3 months of launch.  No, it’s not all about being right here at WG, folks.  Sometimes, it’s about being SO RIGHT that the head of EA Sports had to publicly acknowledge the shittiness of his product, and announce on his official blog that he’s going to switch on over to the WG strategy, a week before the damn thing was set to launch.  MUAAHAHAHA! Dude ought to be thankful that he’s got the luxury of living in the world of demos, Internet message boards, and wannabe savvy bloggers like yours truly, or he might have released this thing and forced virtual-LeBron James to take his talents down to a landfill in New Mexico.

Well, it’s a glorious day in for wannabe geniuses everywhere.  Just goes to show you: if you go around blowharding a couple of times a day and you cover enough topics, eventually you’ll be right about something.  It’s all a numbers game.

Can’t wait to be the first person to fork over $10 for NBA Jam this holiday season.  I deserve it.

Peter Moore’s Blog via Kotaku

http://kotaku.com/5649371/nba-elite-11-delayed-nba-jam-to-ship-separately-by-holidays?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+kotaku/full+(Kotaku)

Hartford? The Whale? They Only Beat Vancouver Once, Maybe Twice in a Lifetime.

Photo is property of WhalersSports.com

The Rangers have decided to give the loyal hockey fans the credit they’re due and reward the Hartford-faithful with a little head nod by changing the name of the Hartford Wolfpack.

It’s still not back, but hockey fans in Hartford have the next-best thing. Their AHL team, the Wolf Pack, is being re-named the Connecticut Whale and will be managed by Baldwin’s Hartford Hockey LLC.

–Boston.com

Seems like a pretty good way to arbitrarily drum up interest in a pack of mediocre semi-pros, so good job I guess?  Or take a reasonable temperature check on the fandom that still surrounds the Hartford Whalers 13 long years after they moved to Carolina.  See if people care by AAAAALMOST naming the team after the one they’ve been missing to see if they’ll talk about it.  And these fans do, in fact, still have harpoons on the brain.  Well, just like my romantic life, I’m here to tell you wannabe martyrs that if you had paid attention to her while she was around, maybe she wouldn’t have left you high and dry, crying face paint and headbutting strangers.

WANNABE GENIUS has moved to the HYPERVOCAL network.

Follow WG on Twitter @wannabe_genius.

My Last Word on Ines

So I was getting some flack yesterday in the Twitterverse by people who have no sense of hyperbole or humor.  Check out the post, write some shit in the comments.  Go nuts, start a flame war.

http://www.awfulannouncing.com/2010-articles/september/la-ultima-palabra-mia-sobre-ines-sainz.html

❤